|
11:49 Apr 6th, 2012 | 0 notes
If you’re not having a good time, no one is. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of catering to your every fucking need.
9:21 Mar 4th, 2012 | 0 notes
Even when I try to help someone I feel like I only make it worse. What does that make me?
3:55 Mar 4th, 2012 | 0 notes
I want to runaway to somewhere quiet where I can write and write until my hand aches.
7:54 Feb 24th, 2012 | 0 notes
You are going to stop eating. You are going to stop eating and you are going to run until you cannot feel your legs. Until you fall down. You are going to stop eating.
2:58 Feb 11th, 2012 | 0 notes
I keep thinking I’ll get there and it will be the same house I stayed in all those years ago. As I walk through the wooden entry way I’ll see three little girls in the corner of the living room attempting to put a puzzle together, or when I look in the front yard I’ll see them climbing over snow mounds as their noses turn red with the cold. But that won’t happen because those girls grew up and even the memories have begun to fade and blur.
9:08 Feb 5th, 2012 | 0 notes
I am so angry with you. It builds up inside of me until I don’t know what to do with it. You are not my mother. I can’t remember the last time I looked at you as such. I keep wishing I could have a mother like everyone else, someone who picks them up and brushes them off and yells at them and cares about them and talks to them. Someone who comes home when they say they will. Someone who comes home at all. Hell, someone who lets me know where they’re going. I am so mad at you. So fucking mad. But no matter how mad I am, I always run up to you when you walk through the door. Like none of it matters because no matter how shitty you are, I still miss you when you’re gone. I’m still the little girl that sat up in bed in her dark room waiting for you to walk through the door and kiss her goodnight. Then you’re gone again and I’m back to being angry. Sometimes I think I’ll explode. Sometimes I want you to never come back because then at least I wouldn’t be waiting up for you anymore. I wouldn’t be wondering. Wouldn’t be trying to figure out what I did wrong. You say you want a new life and there a moments when I almost wish you would just go and get one already. Save us all the trouble. But then what if you actually do? What will I do then? I tried to become as small of a burden as I could possibly fold myself into. I just can’t fold myself anymore. There’s nothing left for me to do. I’m not seven years old anymore. I can’t keep living in the world that keeps you on a pedestal. They say that mother is god in the eyes of a child, but I’m not a child anymore. I have you to thank for that and yet I wake up everyday and I put one foot in front of the other and I promise myself I’ll be better than I was yesterday because maybe if I’m better you’ll be proud of me. And maybe if you’re proud of me then you’ll have a reason to stay. Look at me, I’m just as naive as I was eight years ago. I hate you for doing this to me, to us. Hear the venom in my voice. I dare you to hear me for once, just once in your life because I’ve been screaming for what seems like years and yet you never hear a damn thing. I have spent so much time trying to restore all this faith I had in you, trying to find the little girl that followed her mother around until it drove her crazy. But I can’t find her and I’m having a hard time believing in faith lately. I’m having a hard time believing in anything. Especially you.
8:05 Jan 26th, 2012 | 0 notes
Sometimes I wish I had the kind of discipline it takes to be anorexic. |
|
